i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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