some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
