morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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