the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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