Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
