I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
