forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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