Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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