You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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