Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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