i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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