he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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