we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
this is an emotional support booty call
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
