I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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