Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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