it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
