dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
