Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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