so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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