Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
