I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize