How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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