you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
