He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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