Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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