when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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