I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just found puke in my bra..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
