She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
