Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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