My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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