Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
