I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
