remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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