so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
