how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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