he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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