The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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