i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
