I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
