Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We had to coat check the pizza.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
