I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
