for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
