I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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