Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is Oprah even human
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
