Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
