the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
