Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
