I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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