period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
