I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
