its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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