We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
FUCK WHALES
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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