Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Found your dick twin last night
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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