glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
