It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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