im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
