Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
