Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
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Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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